Blowing Up My Mind

I wonder sometimes if these blogs make sense to other people. I wonder if how my mind is moving from place to place seems inconsistent and incomprehensible. My healing is not linear, and like I wrote before, it’s happening in a spiral motion. Bringing myself back to a similar place, this time with a different…

One Tiny Awareness

My  mind was, and still at times is, very active on predicting the future or going over the past. A great sport event for my mind is when it uses a past event and reimangines it with me being much better at attacking the other person. The other person is generally two people acutally.  The…

Let’s Break Our Minds

My mind likes to ruminate. Generally on things it has no business ruminating on, like the junior monk from a few days ago.  Spinning stories and outcomes to situations that may or may not have anything to do with me.  It is like the painting for this post.  Are the lines coming in or out?…

What do You Want?

What do you want today? Fear or Love? Peace or Anger? These are the questions on my mind today.

Too Much to Say. Too Scared to Say It.

Do you ever have a day you have so much to say, but nothing really comes out? That is how today is for me. Or do you ever have something to say and are afraid you will be judged or called crazy for it? That is more of what this day is like for me….

Carrying. Carrying. Letting Go.

There is a Zen story about two monks. The two monks are walking and come up to river with a rough current. At the bank of the river is a woman. The monks were not to talk to let alone touch a woman. The woman asked for help from the monks. The senior monk picked…

By Water. By Fire. (Part I)

I was reading Thomas Moore’s, Writing in the Sand, recently.  Something struck me. He wrote, “We have to be reborn in water and tempered in fire.”  It made me contemplate what has been moving inside me and in my life. For years, it has been a crazy chaotic mess. What I thought was sure and…

After This. After That. A Whole Lotta After.

Time. What a small word for such a concept. WordPress reminded how long it has been since I posted anything.  Who would blame me really? My life was such a shit storm. Loss. Grief. Pain. Much has changed in my life. Or should I say, much has changed about me. I don’t know when exactly…

My Lighthouse 

This blog started out as an outlet for what I thought was the hardest situation of my life.  Being with a sex addict, discovering the lies and betrayals were horrendous.   All through the events and deaths of the past few years, my dad had been a steady source of support.  Even with his life…

Five Weeks 

I am just heart broken.  This death has sent me reeling.  To not know he was sent to the hospital.  To not get notified he was septic with pneumonia when I have power of attorney over his health if he is unable to make decisions.  To have my last phone call with him a week…

And it keeps raining 

My father passed away yesterday.  I was only notified today.  There are no words.  

Facing Forgiveness (Part II)

The Distortions in My Mind  When I was a therpist, because let’s be honest, that was a lifetime ago now, I would talk to my clients about cognitive distortions. (I put in a link in case you want to know more about them since I am not going to go into the full explanation) Most…