A Colorless Life 

There is no silence without a cry of grief, no forgiveness without bloodshed, no acceptance without a passage of acute loss.Haruki Murakami, Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage While I am currently residing in the stomach of the wolf, I decided to do some reading.   Because why not? I dropped my daughter…

Residing in the Belly 

So now I am eaten and residing in the belly of the wolf.  Hmmmm, what to do?  Now if I look to the Grimms’ fairytale, I am a passive participant in my life and need to be rescued by a strong man out of this pickle of a situation.  Excuse me while I laugh sarcasticly…

Little Red Riding Hood

Fairytales are the first words read to us before we know the meaning of words, and the first models of society we encounter before we ever leave home.  Little Red Riding Hood Uncloaked, Catherine Orenstein  Fairytales play a huge part in my life.  I am not talking Disney, I am speaking of the originals. I…

The Tornado of Mid-Life

I stopped writing. I kept painting, but the writing.  I left the writing behind.  There were little or no words that could articulate what was happening in my life. Explaining pain, loss, and grief became too much. What can words really do for a range of emotions that I can not even paint? I can…

Before and After 

It has been a month since my last post.  Life this summer was hectic, sad, and trying.   Last Monday, I lost my longest and most precious friend of my life. I have known him since we were 5 years old.  He was only 40 years old. He was doing so much better, and we all…

A Book on My Lap

I am sitting currently at the book store.  The new book by Glennon Doyle Melton is on my lap and for the life of me I don’t understand why I am only able to read one page. This is pattern for me with books by spouses who have been through infidelity.  I haven’t bought the…

Kiss off Sleeping Beauty

I am still in the midst of my crisis. I don’t even know where I am in this maze of shit. That’s what it feels like today, and has for the past two weeks.  Let’s back track together shall we, to my last post and travel the road to today and my depression.  After my…

My Existential, Mid-Life, Spiritual Crisis: Passing of  a Threshold

The familiar life horizon has been outgrown; the old concepts, ideals, and emotional patterns no longer fit; the time for the passing of the threshold is at hand. Joseph Campbell It has been almost a week since my session with my therapist and the realizations.   The realizations and the emotions have been bubbling up…

My Existential, Mid-Life, Spiritual Crisis: Redemption

When I was practicing, I would find it incredibly insightful when a client would use a story, a movie, or a song to describe where they were at in their journey. How they described it, how they understood it, told me more about where they were then just about anything else at times.  I like…