Writing about who I am and what I have been through is a difficult task. I can tell you that I am a mother of five children. We are a blended family, which I find more like a blender on continuous pulse. The struggles dealing with everything can be overwhelming, especially when you are a step-mom. The tribulations of blending is anything but rosy at times. It takes dedication and consistency. Also an enormous amount of strength, courage, and fortitude. This life is not for the weak hearted. It will eat you for dinner, and ask for seconds. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I love my children. I just find it can be painful at times.
On top of trying to blend a family, I have a partner who is a sex and love addict. The interpersonal betrayal of the lies and deceit can be numbing at times. The flashbacks, the dissociation, and the emotional trauma can throw a good day into a flushing toilet in nanoseconds. Trying to trust and find safety is a daily task of being mindful of myself and what is happening within me. The skills are there sometimes, and sometimes, I just get angry, upset, and depressed. What makes this all so difficult is because I am a therapist. An addictions therapist. Crazy, right?!!!
This blog is about becoming awake through our own painful experiences. It is about facing the circumstances of our life with strength, courage, and hope. A hope that even though the shit is hitting the fan, we are not alone in our suffering. There is another human being feeling and experiencing a similar pain. It is about becoming awake and embracing life as it, and not how we desire it to be in our minds. This may sound easy; I know it is the most difficult task the universe has given me.