The past few days have been an internal onslaught of full realizations. The one hit me as I was driving to pick up one of the kids was that Lovely Cheater always took care of his needs. His needs only. I knew this. Now I KNOW THIS. Deep inside of myself.
I have been exhausted taking care of everything. I was thinking that maybe if I saved enough money I could get a facial. Innocent thought. Then the tsunami hit me. The discovery he went to get masage(s) from a “friend.” He took damn good care of all his needs then would come home and yell about how none were met.
I wrote this a while ago. I really was driving. This really did happen. I didn’t finish this blog post because I couldn’t deal with it. I had my dad going through all his legal issues.
This relization was planted and I was awake to the fact. I just didn’t act on it. I pushed it aside and slowly let it build itself into a resentment. You know one of gnats that are flying around me constantly.
The universe, though, brings things back in full circle.
Here is me now dealing with it…
This is what we, he and I, have been “discussing ” for about a week– his self centered thinking.
In times past, I would still be wasting your time and mine going over the conversation and giving you a verbatim script. Today, it’s about me and my healing. Not his shit. I have spent too much time on his problems. I read the Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. I pick what I give a fuck about and his problems are not one of them.
My healing and getting better is what I give a shit load of fucks about now. I thank Mark Manson for helping me pick my battles better.
I also have to thank the blog, The Purple Almond by Tamara Horner, for her blog on Happiness. (I am not going to tell you what the practice is because I want you to go there and read it!) I have been praying for help with this resentment inside me. It’s unhealthy and eventually will cause me physical issues. I know this. I know I have to release them. I was and am begging for help.
Help came in the form of the blog post above.
It’s what I need. It’s what I have to do for me and for my daughter. I owe myself and her a healthy person physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
I am reading about it, and I even found an article on Psychology Today about the healing benefits of this practice in relation to resentments–what I was asking for help to resolve.
There are answers to be heard if you are bare-boned and tired.
Even for a Disenchanted Princess.