My Lighthouse 

This blog started out as an outlet for what I thought was the hardest situation of my life.  Being with a sex addict, discovering the lies and betrayals were horrendous.   All through the events and deaths of the past few years, my dad had been a steady source of support.  Even with his life…

Five Weeks 

I am just heart broken.  This death has sent me reeling.  To not know he was sent to the hospital.  To not get notified he was septic with pneumonia when I have power of attorney over his health if he is unable to make decisions.  To have my last phone call with him a week…

And it keeps raining 

My father passed away yesterday.  I was only notified today.  There are no words.  

Clouds’ Illusions

Oh Joni Mitchell, how you tell it to me like it really is. I am doing a cloud series for my solo show in the fall.  Out of the darkness of my journey, I have found I am actually creative. I sold one painting at a show at the beginning of this  month.  Go me!…

Facing Forgiveness (Part II)

The Distortions in My Mind  When I was a therpist, because let’s be honest, that was a lifetime ago now, I would talk to my clients about cognitive distortions. (I put in a link in case you want to know more about them since I am not going to go into the full explanation) Most…

Facing Forgiveness (Part I) 

The Cry of Frustration  Forgiveness is not easy.  I feel it takes incredible courage and internal fortitude to forgive. Those voices which reside in my head do not want to let some things go.  My heart, on the other hand, wants to release itself from the poison of these thoughts. I have been praying for…

Fairy Godmother, You Lost Me at… I Think You Quit

Every princess needs a fairy godmother. At the very least woodland creatures to help with the mundane chores of life.  Isn’t that the hard fast rule of the story fundamentals?   Hmmm… I think I got screwed on this one. Even being disenchanted should allow for some leeway, don’t you think?  I am purging my…

Realizations and Answer to a Prayer 

The past few days have been an internal onslaught of full realizations. The one hit me as I was driving to pick up one of the kids was that Lovely Cheater always took care of his needs. His needs only. I knew this. Now I KNOW THIS. Deep inside of myself. I have been exhausted…

Hidden by Hafiz 

I have a book called, “A Year with Hafiz.” If you don’t know who Hafiz is, you are missing out travelers. Missing. Out. Today’s poem is Hidden. Even the shadow of God is brillant, so brilliant, so much so even God has trouble looking at HImself as that…unless He is more disguised, hidden in illusion,…

Shame is the Albatross I Wear

Shame is such a heavy, toxic emotion. I have been wearing it for the past two years like it’s the new fashion trend.  There is shame for not figuring out his antics because I worked with people who suffered from addictions and personality disorders.  There is shame for brining my daughter into this whacked out…

Event Horizon

The Physics of interpersonal betrayal, or how to get sucked into a black hole of hell.